Last week went neither quite as I had expected, nor as I'd planned. Not that I'd actually planned something special, but I had presumed I would be starting a new round of IVF and still be seeing the man.
How terribly wrong I was...
My estrogen levels, as I reported, were too high to start the drugs. As for The Man, well, he told me, after much deliberation and many sleepless nights, he's unable to be a part of my baby journey as my boyfriend, but *can* do it as my friend...emotionally. Without giving away too much of his privacy, he has kids and has therefore been through the pregnancy/baby thing, and *they* were his. Going through it, would mean living through me being pregnant with not-his-baby, but knowing I need his emotional support and this is what he can't deal with, especially as he'd only known me for a few weeks. Who knows where it would have headed? This is a rhetorical question...
I DO understand his reasoning, and I'm disappointed. He liked me. I know this because I've been told by more than one of our mutual girl friends, who also get what he's dealing with, seeing as they've known him longer than me, but agree when I've said I think he's putting the cart before the horse seeing as I'm not pregnant (yet). Nothing I can say is going to change his mind and only time will tell whether he and I can be more than friends. We've never actually been *just* friends!!!
Now I have to wait until my next period to start the next course of IVF. More fuckin' waiting and now, after being honest, I'm back in Singlesville.
N x
Nicky, I've been following your progress since the story on Mia's blog. I'm so sorry to hear the latest news - about both the IVF and the man. The latter is so frustrating after you were completely honest with him, and I can't even imagine how frustrating the IVF challenges must be. Rest assured I'll be crossing fingers and toes for you - you're an inspiration!
Posted by: KT | May 11, 2010 at 09:38 AM